Friday, August 17, 2007

Bug Man - the crazy post update

There was this guy who moved in a few months back for a very short time. We refer to him as the Bug Man. While I would never say he seemed "normal," he was eccentric and well, they all have their eccentricities. His was just a wee bit more so because of this hat that he wore. With at the net around it. I thought he was allergic to, well, bugs.

The "but" in all of it was that he drove a spanky new BMW motorbike. Figured he could pay his rent at the least.

The net it turns out was to prevent him from being attacked by the energy worms or whatever the hell they were. Figured he suffered the same illness as Howard Hughes. He had obsessive compulsive disorder. This was something else altogether!

And at first I didn't care so much as there was stuff being organized in the work room. However, upon closer inspection the things getting organized were done in such a way as to make no sense whatsoever.

He went by shapes and colours and then he'd tie things up with a piece of string so you couldn't get at the necessary item. Example: a yellow handled screwdriver, yellow flash light yellow electrical box and tied up with a string. Sometimes there would be a completely incongruous item in the mix like a squeegee. I would look at the bundle and think..."Hmm... I get the yellow items but the squeegee? 'One of these things is not like the other'". Made no sense to me.

Oh and he was a vegetarian and opted out of the food plan. Opting out and then eating the food is, well, theft. Period. This is a BAD thing as it gets the other roommates upset and then I gotta deal with it, 'cos I am MUM.

One day I came home and he was frying up bacon. I asked him what was up. And he then proceeded to ignore me. This got me just a bit upset. Now this Aquarian, she can put up with a lot of stuff but do not disrespect me or ignore me when I am talking to you. And don't freakin' LIE to me. And don't dis-me 'cos I am the "little woman". Greig may be big and burly but I am the hammer - the velvet hammer.

We also discovered he was going into peoples rooms and taking things. Things not necessarily of great value but people's stuff. I mean if they didn't want it it would be out in the open. But it was stuff from their rooms. Evil Mark's Saskatchewan Roughriders flag, a bunch of this green netting from Carpenter Greg that they use on construction sites when they hoard the leaky condos. My riding crop, and no though I don't actually ride horses, it was a gift. It was creepy and just the icing on the cake so he got the boot. It was a hard boot too as it was the night when we had all those storms and the docks came apart and WE COULDN'T PHYSICALLY GET HIM OFF THE DAMN BOAT!!


Fast forward to the end of July. He shows up again, now six months past, and claims he has a meeting scheduled with Greig. Now he took a real shining to Greig. Partly because Greig actually LISTENED to him and all his crazy talk. Like I always say, no good deed goes unpunished. "Geez, Greig, I loved this place. You and I really connected. We BONDED!!!" he wailed when he left. I am sure he wept.

"Whatever buddy," I muttered. "BEAT it!

He had made no appointments, no phone calls. Just shows up out of the blue and starts bringing weird stuff. He came at odd ours; sprayed gravel over the cars with his bike; got into altercations with EVERYONE as he just refused be straight with anyone with what it is that he wants.

I came home after work one day and after a dozen or so sightings from others, there he was. I asked him his business. And then he ignored me. He pointed to the gate implying he was expecting a package. Knowing this to be a lie and it was a probably a package he planted, I got irate, tore a strip off him and ran him off. Well, for a couple of hours anyway.

Evil Mark opened the package and with a bunch of magazine articles was a souvenir Pierre Elliot Trudeau watch. It also just so happened to be Evil Mark's birthday and just about the best birthday present he ever got. He has viewed it as an apology from Bug Man for stealing his football flag.

The next morning a red Cadillac was in front of the gate. There was a big dog club/stick on the trunk and five white utility candles melted on the trunk over the gas tank. In nail polish, X-318 was painted on the trunk pointing to the lock. Exodus 3:18 perhaps? What does it mean? Why five candles? Why pink nail polish. What is with the club? What the hell is in the trunk? OHMIGOD!!!!

And they shall hearken to thy voice: and thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and ye shall say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath met with us: and now let us go, we beseech thee, three days' journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to the LORD our God.
So we called the RCMP, and they said that they had already been there at 3am, as one of our other roommates spotted him up there at the time and called it in. They ended up towing the vehicle away and said they would take him in for a psych assessment.

The next day there was yet another note advertising a garage sale and a hard to find place to get the goods. He was arranging for the vehicle transfer and by appearances, wanted to give Greig the car as the keys for it were in the bag. We were of two minds. Maybe he really is going on a journey into the wilderness, or he is about to off himself. Hello, ringy, dingy....RCMP? How's that pscych assesment going?

Perhaps the candles over the gas tank were indicative of candles on a cake perhaps? This gift of a red Cadillac? What is the subtext? C'mon all you crazy boat people. Translation!

So, it is just another typical day at the Mitchell Island Yacht Club. God help what I am about to go home to now.

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