Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A winter hiatus

It is much harder to write this since I am not living down at the marina. I have attempted a few posts which I often don't end up publishing for a multitude of reasons. As well, Greig and I are no longer a couple (it has been a few months), yet we do still share some responsibilities and assets that are not going anywhere soon. I grew very tired about arguing about everything - we have an inordinate amount of power struggles that are irreconcilable. It is much nicer being friends as we, OK, I, don't do the "shacked up" thing very well.

The one thing we agree on is how much we love each other: quite dearly and deeply. The other substantive issue is we can't agree on is "how" to live. I have always figured that if real estate was at all realistic and attainable that would be a huge hurdle for us. Fact is anything "attainable," maybe a one bedroom condo, is totally not attractive to either of us at all and would cramp our mutual need for creative expression. Certainly it is never going to happen in this town. A one bedroom is totally unrealistic factoring Bui and Dosha into it all too. But they are getting older and Bui is going to be going into Grade 12 next year. However, 600K for a two bedroom shack isn't appealing and ultimately wouldn't work either. Our collective inability to do so has been a contentious issue all along.  Lousy credit doesn't help either and well, the banks will set you up for huge falls which is what exactly what happened to me. Much to Greig's chagrin his children have had the choice and have preferred all along to live with their mother while he had always held out hope they would at some point "choose" him at some point. They haven't yet and I doubt they ever will. I think this is often the plight of many single Dads everywhere.

I made concessions for many years for him that made me miserable and it ultimately undermined everything.  He is committed to providing something for his kids that is theirs, whether they really want it or not and big fat boats are the most interesting and manageable thing at his fingertips. But the meaning of a home and a "house" are very different things in my book.

He is forever inundated with a lot of negative energy from so many fronts, and I freely admit I am included in that at times. He wages political warfare on so many fronts - and as much as it seems it is self inflicted, the crazy crap that comes out of the blue at him is very bizarre too. He's a magnet for that shit,  heck, probably enables it to a large degree. I can't help but wonder if God just isn't preparing him for something bigger sometimes.

We have been attempting to downsize the fleet and it's a slow process. But he has another girlfriend who is even less interested in that kind of life than I ever was. At least now he has a cat, to keep him a bit of company and hopefully has a bit of salt where mousing is concerned. Gizmo, is rather diminutive compared to the girth-some Tobias. Gizmo is a ginger persian and is starting to settle into the lifestyle and has come out of hiding now and is beginning to resign himself to boat life. The first 24 hours he was completely FREAKED. "Giz," I told him, "I understand!'" He is only about 15 months old yet so I think these two adopted fellows will be great company for each other as they get to know each other better.

Yes, my rent is tall order on my own and exceeds the percentage based on my salary that I should be paying. But managing that is less stressful and panic ridden than the challenges of living down at a rundown river marina and all the other factors that go into a semi-peaceful existence. I sleep much better these days. Did I mention how much I LOVE living alone. Oh ya baby!

It's been a miserable winter weather wise and there has been lots going on I've not had the time or motivation to blog about. I am perusing more of my own interests now and have a new blog based on my interests in cooking, gardening, antiquing and sewing. I guess you could say it is kind of a green blog as I endeavor on the principle of  "use what you have."


Anonymous said...

Awww, sorry that things weren't the fairytale that I imagined from afar. But I'm glad to hear that you're moving on and cultivating your own garden now. I've learned a lot about boats and living on the water from reading about your adventures; thank you so much for sharing them. [and helping to sanity check my liveaboard on the cheap fantasies.] Some day I'll own a boat, but likely just for weekend trips.

bowiechick said...

Sorry for smashing the fantasies! I think in some parts of the world i think the live aboard lifestyle is a great idea. But it isn't cheap nor is it easy and fraught with challenges not only from the elements but from a plethora of varied and sundry municipal and other self interested groups most of which are operating on an agenda g-q-public isn't really privy to. Thanks for visiting!

rob said...

NIce post Tana so good that you both still love each other deeply, this is so often the case but regrettably life togeather just isnt on the cards. Its a fathers instinct to provide for his kids somehow and it will never be surpressed, but as one gets older the ability to do so reduces and you drive yourself mad trying to think up ways to do so that you can cope with. the ideas just slip away and you (me) can become a grumpy old bas*ard politically motivated and seeing the wrong in everything. rarely smiling and needing love. so glad that you both have this love. great post I can identify with what your saying bless you!

rob said...

I think the thought of my projects has vapourised Marcus??? I havent heard from him since our initial contact :o(( if you hear from him please say "Rob has now successfully produced a plasma spark at his spark-plugs, so even the world i`snt the limit! Thanks X